About Me

San Francisco, California
I am Ethan and Chase's Mama and my man's Sugar. I have flown a plane, driven a race car, and been pushed out of a train. I have swum with dolphins, climbed the Untersberg, and thrown tortillas in more than one location. I have great arms and a law degree. I hate housework. I can't iron. I love my dustbuster because I occasionally allow my kids to eat off of the floors. I wish I were taller and for my boys to grow up in a peaceful world.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Excuse me, I seem to have misplaced my modesty

I peed in front of a perfect stranger the other day. It wasn't my fault. It was Ethan's.

Actually, it was partly my fault. I had been drinking coffee all morning and running errands. By the time I found parking it was already a code red situation. I still had to get the baby out of the car seat, grab the books I was taking to the bookshop, and walk the block and a half to the bookshop.

I made it to the shop. There is only one toilet in this place. It's not like you walk through a heavy outer door especially for women then once inside choose an enclosed stall. This place has just a little bathroom adjacent to an open area. It's a door that you go through and inside there's a sink and a toilet. Like in your house. Thank god the bathroom was free. I cannot imagine (okay, I just did. Agh!!) how much worse this could have been if someone else had been in there. No amount of kegels after pregnancy and birth could have repaired my pelvic floor well enough to give me another 30 seconds. I had to go RIGHT NOW.

I entered the windowless bathroom with Ethan. The light was broken. The reason the light was broken is because Ethan and I had broken it the week before. It's one of those naked lightbulbs in the middle of the ceiling with a chain that hangs down. You pull the chain to turn the light on and off. I let Ethan pull it last week. He baredly tugged on it but the damn thing still came clear off. Oops.

So I left the door open a sliver lest we be plunged into total darkness, put Ethan down, and sat. Ethan promptly pulled the door wide open and ran out into the bookshop.

ETHAN! I yelled. And then Sooorry to the clerk, who had the unfortunate view of my perch.

There was nothing I could do. I certainly couldn't stop. I couldn't reach the door. So I just went right on peeing in full view of anyone who dared to be in the bookshop at the time. Gratefully, it was just the clerk and my wild boy.

When I came out I told the clerk, uhh, the light's broken in there.

Yeah, she answered, some woman came in last week and yanked it really hard.

Lies!! I thought. That ridiculous light was decrepit when we found it! But I kept this to myself.

Then I sold my books and read Ethan a huge truck book half his size that he brought over to me with both hands. I walked out of there holding Ethan's hand like nothing had happened. Who needs modesty?

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